DEN's den.

what a way to start.

2010-02-14T02:29:00.000+08:00

festive seasons like these are just over-rated, seriously.
-------------------

i can't chose where i belong to when im living,
why cant i have the freedom to choose where i want to belong to when i die?
so what if i want to go to hell,
what's the use of dragging me to church, when i know very well that its all crap to me.
i'm already going for cell meetings just to stop you guys from nagging at me,
seriously, when will you let me decide my own faith?
when will you understand that forcing me to cell, dragging me to church, asking me to pray for people, nagging at me, talking to me about it, WILL NOT MAKE ME ONE OF YOU!
IT WILL NOT CHANGE THE FACT THAT I BELIEVE IN SOMETHING DIFFERENT FROM YOU!
you claim that you feel it, you know that your faith is real.
let me tell you something,
i used to think that too.
but whenever i reflect, i find myself talking about something which never happened.
i only felt it, because i tell myself i feel it.
i only cried, because i told myself to.
it was all lies.
maybe what changed you didnt touch me at all, i dont know, all i know is, right now, i dont feel it, i dont believe it.
NOW, can you leave me alone?
pray for me all you want.
until the day when i really feel it, really feel the presence of your god, will i believe it.
and until that day,
I WANT TO HAVE THE FREEDOM TO DECIDE IF I WANT TO GO TO CHURCH OR NOT,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

爱只有简单壁画，但却很复杂。

2010-02-11T00:34:00.000+08:00

有人说，爱是苦的。
有人说，爱是甜的。
也有人说，爱是酸的。

爱，到底是什么？
我说的不是情人之间的爱，而是几乎每个人都要拥有的幸福。
很多人都说要找到自己的另一半，很多人都在鞥那个人的出现。
但如果，唯一的他，不见了，出了车祸，死了，着么办？
要等到什么时候，才能等到一个和你走晚霞辈子的人呢？
每个人都在等，那谁该去找它呢？

-----------------------------
我每次都说，一个人，已经习惯了。
但偶尔有人陪亦不错啊，
我想，我几乎已经忘了每天都有人打个电话问一些有的没的，每天都有人陪的日子了吧。
有一个什么都能讲的人在身边那该有多好？
有一个能够珍惜你和你为他做的事，
这就是幸福吧。
爱过了几个人，又被爱过几遍？
这些数字有什么意义呢？
最终，不就只能留一个被你到永恒吗？

镜子里的我

2010-02-07T00:17:00.000+08:00

我面无表情的走这，
全世界都不知道我心里到底在想什么，
我也不会让任何人知道吧，
我在镜子里看到的那个人，
笑声里到底藏了些什么，
这么连自己都不清楚了？

first chinese post.

2010-02-05T17:31:00.000+08:00

K书K书！！！
现在满脑子都是K书。

“经期待又怕受伤害” 应该就是这种感觉吧。
咳。。。
期待明天的到来，但又害怕会像UT2一样。
期待考完的那一天，但又害怕公布成绩的那一天。

明天是星期六但还是要回学校考试。
可恶！！！！

今天纵遇下雨了！
最适合睡大觉的天气，但却要K书！
二姐已经在睡了：（
好羡慕哦。。。。。。。
咳，我想，我还是不要再拖延时间了。

亲爱的朋友们，我要去K书了。
帮我加油吧！
在RP的同学们，让我们一起加油吧！

motivation

2010-02-04T11:09:00.000+08:00

i need motivation!!
so many things to do, so little time.
and im still procrastinating!

if you've been wondering why i've not been updating, its simple:
1. there's nothing to update about
2. i uploaded my thoughts on here instead
3. too many things to say, but i dont know how to go about saying it.

i have good news though!
im going for a holidayyyy!!!!!
should be sometime during march, going back to Jakarta with Lidya!
and im still waiting for the cruise trip!

next semester modules.

2010-01-19T11:45:00.000+08:00

well, what can i say.
this are my modules, no choice.

boring or what!
gosh.

too many, too fast.

2010-01-12T23:21:00.001+08:00

i decided to upload photos of my drawings.
its not good, but i wouldnt say that its terrible.
click HERE its on facebook by the way.
if im still in the mood to share, i MAY start a photoblog.
we'll see how it goes.

its so hard to believe
today's only Tuesday
so many things happened this week
how can it be?
its so hard to believe
today's Tuesday
its only
the 12th day of 2010.

DENphua.

caging in, locking up, throwing the key 20 feet away.

2010-01-11T00:11:00.000+08:00

what can i say, my sleep cycle has been crazy thanks to school.
12 hours, 1 hour, 12 hours....
and because of the 12 hours of complete knock out, i didnt do some RJs.
i doubt i'll have any more than 5 hours today.
i have my hazelnut coffee to accompany me.
at least i think its hazelnut, didnt really take note when i was making it.

del's coming back on thursday.
deb just moved back to her hall.
we're left with 20 school days to holiday!
excluding UT3.

if i lock myself in a cage, and leave the key at the foot of the door, will i unlock the door and set myself free?i guess i wouldnt.
will anyone unlock the cage and drag me out?
i hope no one would.
will anyone unlock the cage and stand outside, so that when i pick up courage to step out, they'll be there?
i guess not.
will anyone just stay outside the cage to keep me company while i find courage to set myself free?
i doubt so.
will anyone notice if i kill myself in the cage?
i guess they'll only notice after the blood flows out.

already in this cage i was talking about.
ready to live in a world where there are no boundaries
where i would let no one matter, where i cant let anyone matter
withdrawing myself from this world
stopping myself to feel love, hatred, and all the feelings that may eventually hurt
not letting anyone into my heart, to read my mind
it hurts most if it was from the inside
living in a world where there are only black, white, and the colour of blood.

2009 in a glance

2010-01-05T10:16:00.001+08:00

okay, i know this is at least 5 days late.
i didnt want to do this at first, but what the heck, im bored.
in 2009, I.....
Entered RP.
started school in RP.
knew the awesome E35H.
knew YIJING

hahah. i still remember the first time i talked to her.

or rather she talked to me.

jing: "hello! what's your name?"

me: "Denise. eh! you know hanlyn!?"

jing: "yeahhhhhhhhh? whyyyyy?"

[ first impression: 'oh my god, her reaction so cartoon']

me: "erm, she's my cousin"

jing: "OH MY GOD, REALLY?!! AHHHH!!! OH MY GOD!!"

me: "yeah really"

[i was super anti-climax, as usual]

Survived one semester of RP.
Clique chalet, where everyone almost got drunk, where all the gossiping took place.
start sem two in RP.
new class, new faces.
holiday.
birthday bbq, where all the unglam photos where taken by a photographer with night blindness, aka jing.
ton-ing with lyn whenever i stayover.
became nocturnal.
became a fan of 3 people.
became a fan of a variety show.

in 2010, I....
am sure my GPA will decrease.
will stop going for photo IG.
will be in year 2!
will find a job.
will be 18!
will improve my chinese.
will blog in chinese, at least once.
will go sheesha-ing for the first time.
will start taking notes during class.

i wanted to post my 2009 resolution, but i realised i didnt blog about it, and i have no idea where i wrote it on, hahah
oops.
shall be good and start doing my worksheet.
ciao!

hello.

2010-01-03T16:40:00.001+08:00

hi delph! :))
<3

christmas.

2009-12-25T00:03:00.003+08:00

its a two-way door.
with nobs on both sides, and locks both ways.
there was a time, when it was kept open from both ends.
today i realise, i closed the door, and locked it up.
today i realise, how hard He was knocking on the other side.
today i realise, all i needed to do was to unlock the door and let him in.
today i realise, im not ready to do all that.
today i turned from the door, and wished that knocking away...

iGoogle failed.

2009-12-14T08:40:00.001+08:00

happy day<3 edited

2009-12-10T10:14:00.003+08:00

today, i took nano red out for the first time<3
today, i bumped into YIJING during first break<3
today, i got new songs and sync it to nano red for the first time<3
today, i found a better place chill away from the lawn and class<3
today, i finally got yoga lin's album<3
today, i got pan yu wen's album<3
today, i found a place to get new songs<3
today, i am in a good mood<3
today, i woke up on my own<3
today, i took a long shower and wasn't late<3
today, i start the three days count down to my birthday<3
today, i am looking forward to the holidays<3
today, i decided to name my ipod ~~'nano red' temporarily~~ Misa<3

going away.

2009-12-02T11:46:00.002+08:00

seriously man, everyone's going away.
dear's leaving tonight for genting.
jiawei just left.
cousin and grandma going bangkok the day after my birthday
del going australia the day after.

totally have no motivation to do anything recently.
just wanna sit and rot.
sighhhhhhhhh.

sad.

2009-12-01T09:40:00.002+08:00

uncle J left.
wanted to stay up yesterday to text him until he fly, but i fell asleep:((
woke up this morning, typed good morning in my phone, and remembered that he wont see it.
and i started to miss him:(
24 days is so long.nevertheless, he's doing something he really wants to do.
so i should be happy for him right?
this december. is gonna be so lonely.
and it made me think, christmas family gatherings is gonna have lesser and lesser people.
del wont be here this year, des wont be here next year for 5 years.
and i dont feel the Christmas spirit this year.
it doesnt feel like december.
my birthday is just 13 days away, somehow, i dont wanna count down to it.
this year my birthday means holidays, UT2, del going away for a month, 10 more days to uncle J's return.

how do you find reasons to look forward to something, when you know its not gonna turn out the way you want it to?

monday blues. let me lament.

2009-11-30T09:28:00.003+08:00

uncle J's flying off tonight.
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
im gonna miss him.
yet another reason to look forward to christmas eve.

and im feeling super restless now.
to hell with racist people.
complaining to dar:P

random rambles:
ELIZABETH FLEW MY PLANE.
dont wanna come school tmr......
have to wear formal tmr.
no more 'good morning' texts from uncle J until christmas.
no more late night texting until chritsmas
no more impromptu dinners and suppers until christmas
i wanna go to the beach alone.
i wanna go cycling alone.
i wanna scream at top of my voice.

contradictory

2009-11-28T17:46:00.002+08:00

today was like a rainbow after a storm.
a day of laughter and smiles after a night of tears and sorrow.

went to watch Christmas Carol 3D with sis just now.
last minute plans.
turns out, the 2.40pm show was the normal one, the 3D one was at 3.20.
so we went to the arcade first.

THE SHOW WAS GREAT!
the ghost of christmas past was super cute!
looked like he was "suffering from spasm.

IPOD NANO REDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..........

SELLING

2009-11-25T08:55:00.002+08:00

Adi-Thanaz Denim Jeans.
Guy's Straight cut.
White.

Retail Price $320
Selling price: negotiable.

contact me if interested, denise_phua92@hotmail.com

watch this.

2009-11-22T22:39:00.003+08:00

i had to watch this to realise that im still human.
that i am still able to feel.
should i be happy that i still have emotions,
or should i be disappointed that all my efforts were all useless?

i got reminded of why i stopped crying,
once i start, its so hard to stop, because deep, deep down, i know it still hurts.
no matter how hard i try to mask the pain,
the rejection, the fear, will never be tucked away.

[[ cant i just have one day not doing anything, even on this day, you're asking me to study.]]

one chance

2009-11-16T12:21:00.002+08:00

if everyone only gets one chance at love,
would people cherish it even more?

broken promises and lies.
if all these can't co-exist with love,
would this world then be a better place?

if everyone only gets one chance at love,
would a mistake cause someone to lose it?
would people be left out?
would there be lesser tears, fewer broken hearts?
and more acceptance?

if everyone gets one chance at love,
would people miss it, because they fixed their gaze at the wrong place?
would people lose it because they didnt know how to cherish it?
would people run away, because of it?

if everyone gets a chance at love,
did my chance get run over by a car?
did my chance move away, to a faraway place?
did i push my chance away, because of a broken promise?
because of the lies?
or is my chance at the near future?

oh so sentimental.

2009-11-06T10:15:00.002+08:00

so, during first break, went down on my own.
found a nice table at the lawn, and sat there to eat.

so quiet, so peaceful, but i didnt have a paper and pen with me.
so i came back up, and tried to writer something.
at the rate its going, its gonna be a long one.

if only someone would volunteer to change this into a song, if only i have the time to do it myself.

wrote this in class. comments?

2009-11-05T15:37:00.001+08:00

Walking down this long corridor.
With lights on the path, and you by my side.
It just reminds me, how wonderful life can be.
As I turned to you, looked into your eyes.
you looked into mine, and told me you love me.
As we walk down this long corridor,
Lights flicker, and all becomes dull.
Fear embraced me, you left me.

Walking down this long corridor.
With lights burned out, and you on my mind.
It just reminds me, how lonely I can be.
As I turned, and looked around me.
Voices scream, you’re no longer here.
As I walked down this long corridor,
Darkness reigned, and all becomes clear.
Hurt embraced me, you left me.

DENphua.

emo.

2009-11-03T13:00:00.002+08:00

felt super sleepy today, didnt feel like socialising.

when going down for break, alone, scenes just kept coming to me.
i felt so scared. so alone.
with no where to go and so many people around me.
all i wanted to do, was find a corner, away from all these strangers.

the discomfort, the doubts,
the feeling of being alone.
alone in the crowd.

tripod 09

2009-11-02T12:20:00.001+08:00

facils, org comm and mentors.

fun shot.

tripod '09

lazy to type.
super stone and sleepy.
body's aching like F nuts.
voice is almost gone.

i need sleep...............

DENphua

overdue post

2009-10-28T22:43:00.003+08:00

went for POL-ITE bowling last saturday as a photog.
so here's some photos of the people who went there.
namely; chinn yee and steph(who went there to support haiting, and lidya and zl, (who were there to play)and of course haiting.

steffi!

one pin standing.

i like this pic, so sweet.
but needa photoshop the background abit.

how many times in your life, can you see two of your close friends playing against each other?

ze liang said i look sleeping and sian.
and i was. haha.

that's all for now,
tripod camp on friday, not really looking forward to it.
ciao!

DEN.

love

2009-10-26T23:46:00.003+08:00

its been some time since i went crazy over a guy.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
godric!!!!!!! <3<3<3

shall keep you in suspense as to who he is:D
i may or may not post his picture up soon:P

DEN.
so in love with Godric<3

sickkkkkkkkkkk

2009-10-22T10:32:00.002+08:00

yeap, im sick.
very sick.
my nose is running like nobody's business, my voice sounds so manly.
and you ask why im still in school?
its because it wasn't so serious this morning.

anyways, my purpose here is to post what happened yesterday....
after school, went to yishun to meet athirah and my brother.
and yes, I HAVE A BROTHER.
hahaha.
when i told ayu im meeting my brother, she looked at me and said 'you have a brother?'
why doesnt anybody know i have a brother?!?!
gish.

anyways, after meeting them, lepak-ed near north view.
ad rushed home after that.
went to the airport to send my sister off.

and had fun there with jacob and my other sis.
'i wonder who's 18. hmmm.'
hahaha.
went home.

gonna go to the airport again tonight.
same time, same place.
now, to send my mum and aunts off.

i wanna go on a holiday too!!!

dont think im coming to school tmr, looking at my current condition.
gotta go to the polyclinic to get referral letter for my ear.
im scaredddddddddddddddddd.
anybody wants to accompany me there????

DENphua.

HURRAY!!! /edited

2009-10-20T12:42:00.002+08:00

click to enlarge

side note:
(that's not exactly at the side....... o.O )

saw this cap when i accompanied jacob to lavender.
is only 12.50!
think i'm gonna get it next month.
hahaha.
unless SOMEONE wants to get it for me? hahaha.

love, what is it, really?

2009-10-19T21:13:00.003+08:00

how many times do you have to repeat step four, before you realise that you never completed step one?
and that it would be heartaches and pain, not heart-stopping kisses?

how many times do you have to fall into the trap of infatuation to finally realise, you should stop trying, stop searching, stop longing, stop asking, stop confessing, stop falling head over heels for someone who wouldn't do the same for you?

its party time!

2009-10-19T09:27:00.002+08:00

soooo..........
my mom's going on a holidayyyyy
from 22nd to 28th.

bro suggests i throw a party, and considering the fact that my roomie will also be overseas....
so my ROOM will be open if anyone wants to come over and chill or overnight.
but pleaseeeeeeeee tell me before hand, so i can tidy up first:p

random

2009-10-15T13:42:00.003+08:00

i realised the photo in my banner looks like i had make up on.
eyeliner so thick. hahaha

on the side note, had lunch with beng just now.
and i finished my RJ before lunch:D
dinner with uncle J later!!!!FINALLY.
DIEM talk before that-.-
i dont feel like coming for math tmr, maybe i'll partial.
hmmmm.....
i wanna go for steamboat! (ex)E35H!!

what a day.

2009-10-12T23:49:00.002+08:00

went to school in the morning, then went for the memorial service.
after that, went to yishun dam to slack, and had a heart to heart with the rest, who shall not be named, if you wanna know the details, just come and ask me okay?
came home after that.
--------------------------
YSANNE!!!
this is red and black-ish.
this is black-ish!
this is white-ish.
[[i think this may be the first time some people see me without anything black. hahah]]
this is black and white-ish!

hahahaha.
------------------------------

oh, i posted all these photos because my COUSIN, says that i'm a black, silver and brown-ish person. (referring to the things i wear, and the stuff i like.)

DEN.

in memory of Elsie.

2009-10-12T08:25:00.004+08:00

people come and people leave, its all part and parcel of life.
but instead of grieving for the ones who has passed on,
we learn to live with it, and press on.
i got to stay strong for the people around, those who take it harder than others.
knowing she's in a better place, a place without hurt, suffering, and pain.
keeping that in mind, and stand strong, continue running the race.

took this from a note debbs wrote.
my thoughts exactly.
but its not this morning, it was yesterday morning.
some brief background: she was a church friend, had leukemia,went for chemo, had an infection cos of low immunity, and went home to the Lord yesterday morning.

"As she moved on to be with the Lord this morning, it was a feeling of sadness, yet glad. Sad because I felt that I would have been able to spend more time with her, visit her more often when she was in the hospital, etc etc. Yet I'm glad, because I know that she is in a much better place now. No more medication and machines... but just being in the presence of the Lord. Sad because of the regrets of the things not done/could have done, yet glad because of the hope that I can say to her (which I didn't had the chance to say... but hold deep in my heart)... that I'll see her on the other side.

This whole incident really got me thinking deep. You can hear alot of things about people dying from cancer, or thousands dying from it all around the world... things are definitely different when that person has once crossed your life. I'm really glad she did... and I'm sure God had been able to use her purposefully too.

Life... The Lord gives, the Lord takes.... all things belongs to Him alone. As a wise man says... It is really not about how long you live, but how you live your life. If there is just one thing that I can learn from this dear friend, that will be to live life purposefully. No one knows what happens tomorrow, only God knows. Catching up with a friend tomorrow, or even saying something that you had always wanted but haven't to someone... or even that chance to share Christ with someone else... don't think you will have another day because really... no one knows. Live your life the way you should, because there are people who can't..."

outing with THEM<3

2009-10-09T22:04:00.004+08:00

went to watch Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs with THEM.
i'll rate it 4/5.
the details of the 3D was good.
anyways, after the movie, went to starbucks to lepak and came home.

its always my fault isn't it?
my fault that im an introvert, so i dont make noise in class, so the faci always think that im not participating.
my fault that because of that my gpa is only 2.9
my fault that i'm so stupid and dumb academically, that you dont allow me to work and want to me concentrate on studying.
my fault that because i cant work, i have to ask for money from you.
my fault that because you dont give me money, i have to borrow from my friends.
my fault that my allowance barely covers for my meals in school.
my fault that because of that i have no savings.
my fault that because i have no savings, i cant buy clothes.
my fault that because i cant buy the clothes that i like, you buy them for me.
my fault that because you dont notice me anough to know my style that i dont wear the clothes that you buy for me.
my fault that because i dont have enough money for food that i have to resort to eating instant noodles.
my fault that because i eat instant noodles, you assume that i'm just lazy to go downstairs to buy food.
my fault that the HOUSE is so messy because I dont spend time at home cleaning the house.
my fault that im the youngest, so i get treated like a maid.
my fault that sometimes when everyone's at home, i dont ask is anyone wants lunch because they just cant get their own food.

wheeeee

2009-10-08T11:00:00.001+08:00

happy happy happy!!!

"Denise,

Although generally on the quiet side, you were able to share with depth when you actually get around to it. For example, you were able to state the objective of the worksheet qns.

Good piece of research into the 9 personality types. That's a different way of tackling the problem statement in comparison to the other teams.

Your RJ is extremely well written. It answers the qns and show depth in thought :) I'm glad the lesson has boosted your confidence. Keep on improving and you're on the way to an A :)"

from smoke and alcohol to board games and laughter.

2009-10-03T11:13:00.005+08:00

okay, i decided to blog about the chalet, since im bored.

monday:
after procrastinating, until cannot procrastinate anymore, i went out.
trained to yishun, bought some stuff they needed, then headed down to Aloha changi.
on bus 29, went pass all the prisons and stuff.
and the whole atmosphere was just sad.
looking at all the double fence on both sides of the road, thinking of what it was like to be inside.
anyways,
overshot the bus stop, and got lost.
walked all the way from OCH to changi beach club.
finally reached the chalet, slacked around abit, and had pizza.
had bbq that night, so sam and clayton went to start fire.
and apparently, they didnt know how to. LOL.
so i had to help, but the fire starter was super cui.
had fun though.
after eating, and after everyone who want staying over left, we took out the red label.
tried peach tea with red label.
super eeewwwww.
so had to use the alcohol to cover the peach tea taste.
everyone had to drink shots too.
anyways, after that played Dare.
then went to the room, had confessions time!
it never got to my turn.
lots of secrets shared.
lots of ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend story, some family family story.
some primary school story. hahah.
i dont know who has the photos though.
had pillow fight.
but super hard to hit, cos i was high from the shots, and couldnt really breathe properly because of the mosquito coil.
around 6+, cheng had to leave, so the rest went to the beach.
leaving me, sam, josh, and clayton in the chalet.
sleeping time!

TUESDAY:
woke up at 11+, while everyone else was asleep.
luckily, i bought my latop sia.
watched my lucky star.
and cooked maggi mee.
and everyone woke up, around 3+
prepared the fire for the bbq
ate.
night came.
celebrated yz's birthday.
got drenched, played waterbombs, which became, playing with pails of water.
the whole chalet flooded.
showered, packed, and cabbed down to Aranda because mus was still in school, so couldnt pick me up.
reached aranda, learnt how to play mahjong, played twister.
and i gave up first.
haha, you know why? because the rest of them cheated. hahaha.
got bored watching them play the never ending game, so found a spot on the floor and slept.
move on to the sofa in the morning, woke up, played 2 rounds of mahjong while waiting thomas to wash up.
but in the end...
went with mus, tus, russell and ruiting.
after that....
went wild wild wet.
in my stinky clothes.
felt so gross walking there.
i think i've been there too many times, its so boring now.
even the enormous slide is not fun.
fell asleep at the wave pool. aahahha
that was how tired i was.
anyways, after that, went back to shower and had dinner.
after dinner, the rest went to watch gamer.
played games, and bernice elbowed me while trying to taupok me!!!
so pain!!
and haiting found my weakness O.O
played sheryl's game. hahaha.
then played taboo.
and the rest of them had heart-to-heart talk, and secrets were revealed.
i managed to escape:D:D
just imagine, 20 people having heart-to-heart.
if its 5 or 6 people, i dont mind la.haha.
woke up the next morning, and came home.
had a nice talk with tus on the way back.
came home, and slacked.

school's starting on monday!!
E37P.
sam and athirah's in E37G!!!
LOL.i seriously wonder what you get when you put the two of them together.
but i dont think they'll click very well.
any the ways.

happy mid-autumn festival darling mooncake!!!<3

song.

2009-10-02T13:07:00.003+08:00

When The Lights Burn Out
By Chris Cendana
Copyright 2007

When it's cold, i think of you and things feel like old times
And the laughs we had warm me inside
my mind is at ease
when thinking of you and me

Had a fight on our last go round
No idea my world would come right down
With nothing left to hold
It crazy to know, you'd still be there

And I want you to know, I'll be here till my hair falls out
and shining when the lights burn out
I know it's been while but I can't help smile
When you turn my world upside down
Yes, I know it's been years since we've talked on the phone this long
And didn't say who was wrong
Let's try to make this right
I need some of you in my life

Take some time to reflect on the day that our friendship was set aside
By the words that got mixed up in my mind
A simple flaw is enough to destroy us all
I admit I was wrong, but dragging this out too long
Was enough for me to write this song
And say I'm sorry for all the things I've done.

And I want you to know, I'll be here till my hair falls out
and shining when the lights burn out
I know it's been while but I can't help smile
When you turn my world upside down
Yes, I know it's been years since we've talked on the phone this long
And didn't say who was wrong
Let's try to make this right
I need some of you in my life

When the lights burn out. . .

to all the friends who i stopped talking to.
and to all those whom i started to talk to again:
athirah, jacob, lidya, chinn yee.

i'm back!!!!

2009-10-01T13:59:00.002+08:00

the chalet was great:)
i finaaly know how to play mahjong!!!
my lovely sisters, now's the time to buy a set of tiles~!!
LOL
photos will be uploaded on facebook.
AND ALSO CHECK OUT SHERYL'S BLOG FOR THE ARANDA CHALET:D

my stomach feels weird.

post 515

2009-09-30T13:45:00.003+08:00

my module grades are out!!

sian to the max seriously.
gotta get 3.1 next sem.
it should be easier without communication and science.

any the ways...
im at aranda country club now.
4E2'06 chalet.
and im aching all over.
seriously, the two chalets are soooooo different.
AND I FINALLY KNOW HOW TO PLAY MAJONG!!!
LOL.
dont think i'll be posting any photos, because stupid yours truely, forgot to bring the multi-plug for the camera battery.
AND the batteries are not charged.
so i didnt use at all.
and i think next time, i'll not bring Crayon along for chalets.
hahah.

DEN.

chalet....

2009-09-29T12:42:00.002+08:00

current location: Aloha Changi.

had a super crazy night yesterday.
dranks, cigs, pillow fights, confessions, ghost stories.

me, sam, josh and clayton slept at 7,
while the went to the beach.
woke up at 11, and the rest of them went to bed.
so im the only now who's awake now. hahaha.

going over to Aranda later tonight, probably around 10 or 11.

adios!
DEN.

o.O

2009-09-26T20:58:00.001+08:00

current weather is haze?!?!
gosh.

girl's day out :)

2009-09-23T00:59:00.004+08:00

went to watch 'The ugly truth'.
ERIC WINTER IS SO HOT! LOL.

after that went to marina barrage with tira.
and came home.

DEN.

wheeeee

2009-09-19T00:32:00.001+08:00

THANK YOU MSN VALIDATION SERVICE!!!
i got my email back:D:D:D

monday.

2009-09-17T03:13:00.008+08:00

met the twins, haiting, jiawei, and cy for dinner.
the twins went in first, followed by me, then haiting.
so while waiting for the princess and jiawei to arrive, there were some photo-taking and game playing.

taken by tus:

taken by mus:
this is nice:D

playing game.
while enjoying their "super shiok mango ice cream"

ransom stuff that i remember hearing and saying:
- - - - - - - - - - -
tus: (some random thing that he was trying to tell me)
me: **nods, and continue playing game**
tus: you look at me when i'm talking to you!
act fierce only lor, haha.
anyways, haiting took a photo of his expression.
here it is:
- - - - - - - - - - -
me: ehhh tus! you're sick!!
tus: **stare.... ignore, and continue eating ice cream**
me: -.-
- - - - - - - - - - -
tus: haiting, are you working?
haiting: nope.
tus: then what've you been up to?
haiting: bowling and driving
**2 minutes later**
tus: eh haiting, so what are you up to recently?
haiting: bowling and driving
tus: LOL, i asked you that question just now is it?
haiting: yeah. LOL.
- - - - - - - - - - -
tus: **talking to me**
me: ehh, the lights at the fountain so nice!
tus: -.-
btw, tus was sitting opposite me, and his back was facing the fountain, so when everyone else thought that i was looking at him, i was stoning while staring at the fountain lights. hahaha

and, the princess and jiawei arrived, after close to an hour.
food came, everyone said grace.
took about 5 mins. hahah.
makan.
after that, had talk cock session.
during which, tus was trying to get jiawei to tell him my secret.
gave mus, tus and cy their birthday cards, which they were so tempted to open. aahah.

mus told us a joke.
and before that....
tus: eh mus, you say
mus: i say? okay!
tus: it may not be funny for you guys, because my brother dont know how to say.
everyone else: -.- then you say la!!
LOL, so cute.

tus: (looking at jiawei) ehh, why is there light in your eyes?
jiawei: huh? what light?
tus: LOL, cheh, its just the fountain light reflecting through my glasses.
(asking me)are you still staring at it?
me: yeah. haha. so nice!!
cy: cheh, i thought you were staring at tus all this while.
HAHAHAHA

lots of funny stuff happened.
if you wanna know, come ask me.
why?
because there's something which will cause alot of misunderstandings if said here.
but if you ask, i'll tell you:)

work ~~tmr~~ later.

AND I CAN'T SIGN IN TO MY HOTMAIL!!!!
IT GOT SPAMMED. DIE.
THINK I'LL HAVE TO CHANGE EMAIL SOON.

let me justify myself.

2009-09-15T20:43:00.002+08:00

THE MUSIC THAT YOU'RE HEARING COMES FROM A VIDEO
which is on autoplay.
IN ONE OF MY POSTS.
sooooo.
you can just pause it if you want.
now, as to why i used a video instead of putting it in the sidebar is because, i change my blog song quite often.
and the posts will automatically disappear after some posts, so when i dont hear anything, i know its time to change song.
in other words, i just got too lazy to edit the size and everything every time i change a blog song.

my schedule

2009-09-15T19:09:00.003+08:00

since im free now, i shall post my schedule here, in case anyone wants to ask me out.

16th, wed
-> head down to bukit merah by 4pm to collect uniform.
-> report at wisma at 6pm.
-> work till 12am.
17th, thu
-> work 10am-10.30pm.
18th, fri
-> work 10am-10.30pm.
-> chinn yee goes to Iowa
19th, sat
-> OFF!!
20th, sun
-> work 10am-10.30pm.
21st, mon
-> work 10am-10.30pm.
22nd, tue
-> no plans
23rd, wed
-> no plans
24th, thu
-> work 10am-6pm
-> mus and tus comes back from vietnam
25th, fri
-> SOH-F1 chalet(hopefully)
26th, sat
-> SOH-F1 chalet(hopefully)
27th, sun
-> SOH-F1 chalet(hopefully)
28th, mon
-> clique chalet
-> 4E2'06 and friends chalet
29th, tue
-> clique chalet
-> 4E2'06 and friends chalet
30th, wed
-> clique chalet
-> 4E2'06 and friends chalet
1st OCT
-> 4E2'06 and friends chalet

seeeeeee
the two chalet clashes.
and both sides wants me to go. how?!?!
gosh.

DEN.
busy busy busy

update

2009-09-14T23:38:00.002+08:00

i shall update some other day when i have the photos.
BIG HINT TO CHINN YEE AND HAI TING!!
busy busy busy week ahead.
so you may not see me online that often.
but my facebook and twitter will still be updated quite frequently.
that's the beauty of have free sms:))
sooooo....
follow me on twitter if you wanna know what im doing:))

LSBC day.

2009-09-13T22:14:00.004+08:00

went LSBC today.
after the service, went for their youth prayer meeting.
it was....
different.
after that had lunch near heartland mall.
then trained down to somerset to catch 'The Time Traveler's Wife' at cine with mus, russell and YT.
there were only front row seats, so decided to walk to The Cathay to watch, since russell had to help tus buy tickets.
anyways, went there, met up with tus, bought the tickets, and went to selegie to kill time.
and mus ransacked my bag.
only to find my ds, which made him so happy.
left, and headed for macs.
reached the cinema just in time. hahahah
anyways, technically, we were all watching the movie together.
haha.
but we were all sitting away from each other.
tus and his **ahem**, russell and his complicated one, me and mus.
a very heartwarming story.
AND SOMEBODY CRIED!!
let me give you a hint:
and HE doesnt have a twin brother:D
anyways, after the movie, walked with mus to some red shopping centre, i think its centre point or something, to get his bike.
and i got a ride back:D:D:D

on the side note, couldnt fetch mich from the airport cos there wasnt enough time after the movie.

adidas tmr, followed by dinner with the chows and uncleJ and cy.

adios!
DEN.
how can i answer that question?

i feel so stupid.

2009-09-12T21:51:00.003+08:00

我太笨-choc7

我太笨不懂愛情的分寸
想念著兩個人的快樂依賴著你給的體溫
i'm too foolish, i dont know the measure of love.
missing the joy of two people together
dependent on the warmth that you gave.

我太笨看著妳漸漸變冷
只能默默的給妳信任傳達我包容的眼神
i'm too foolish, watching you slowly go cold.
and can only silently give you trust.
my eyes conveying understanding

付出這麼多換來些什麼我不願過問
只願相信妳傻笑的很天真
after giving so much, what do i receive in return?
i do not dare ask.
only willing to believe your smile is so pure.

在愛情裡太笨是不是我天真
愛情的那些課程我還沒修完學分
in love, i'm too stupid.
or am i too naive?
the lessons on love, i've yet to complete them.

在愛情裡太笨是不是我太天真
愛情的那些課程 Hoo Baby
愛情的那些學分
都沒能滿分
in love, i'm too stupid.
or am i too naive?
the lessons on love, the tests on love, i didn't get full marks.

a decision.

2009-09-12T00:26:00.001+08:00

a have decided.

before i turn 17, i'm gonna own at least one dress.
hahaha.
and i'll make sure i wear it at least once a month.

woohoooo

2009-09-08T02:06:00.006+08:00

i love my wallpaper!!!
by the way...
the thing that's been blurred is a list of prayer requests.
blurred for confidentiality:))
sooooo.....
feel free to tell me your prayer requests.
i'll be more than happy to make the list longer:D

ARMY OPEN HOUSE!

2009-09-08T00:29:00.002+08:00

yeap, went for army open house todayyyyyy.
with haiting, sham, uncleJ and jasmine.
saw the apache!!!!!!!!!!!!!
wheeeee, i dont know why, but looking at an apache makes me super happy:D:D
after walking around, taking photos, going crazy...
went for dinner with sham, uncle J and jasmine.
then went home.

i realised i have ALOT of silent readers.
and my tagboard is ALWAYS dead.
the silent readers i know includes mich, uncle J, ayu, haiting, chinnyee i think.
i would appreciate the rest of the silent readers to let me know they're reading pleaseeeeeee.

DENphua

post #500.

2009-09-07T00:58:00.000+08:00

i miss mich!!
its not even 24 hours??!?!
LOL, i miss her like crazy already.

isnt it weird that you'll miss someone even more when you know that he/she is not in the same country as you?
you'll think of him/her more when he/she is not easily contactable?

went service this morning.
feel asleep, shall not share why.
so im gonna download the sermon to listen.
anyways, after service, met pastor for awhile, went for lunch at heartland mall.
at least i THINK that's heartland mall.
met jiawei, sit down, talk crap.
went gundam exhibition.
went chinatown with cy, to wait for her to work for an hour.
in that hour, lepak-ed at macs with uncle J.
it passed relatively quickly after he started to play mario karts with my ds.
HE WENT CRAZY I TELL YOU.
then after that we were super high, cos i think we were both very tired.
the reason?
the night before, we were talking on msn until 4am, when we both have to wake up at 8.hahaha
anyways, we were high, and cy kept bully him.
lol.
cut the long story short, went to reynard's house.
slacked for bout 15 mins,
went for dinner.
lepak-ed abit more, came back.
am supposed to be sleeping now.

going army open house tmr!!!!
YAY!!!

oh, something funny happened:

while talking to pastor.
me: i'm going to pasir laba camp for army open house
pastor ss: are you gonna sign on?
me: no la!! LOL
pastor: no possibility at all?
mrs chan: will have possibility one la, she so _____ one!(i forgot what the word was, some hokkien word)
me: huh? no la, i dont know leh, see how lor. hahah

i mean, the possibility is not zero, just that the thought didnt come to my mind before.

DENphua

new cell, new beginning.

2009-09-04T23:36:00.002+08:00

lets see.
the day started at 1pm. XD
had brunch, watched abit of videos, facebooked, showered and headed for cell.
at first i thought that change cell means change cell venue.
apparently, Eunice's block is just beside the Chans'.
so its still the same place.
cell was quite alright, better, i would say.
mmmm, shared abit about myself, and whatever nots.
new cell mates!
tiffany: my age, in JC, birthday's tmr. hahaha.
wenjing: turning 21, WORKS IN TEKONG!! cool or what!
jolin, jolene??: 16? i think, PLMGS
eunice, cell leader: works at readers' digest(so cool!), worship leader.
anyways, it was great la.

gotta meet the chows to pass them their birthday present, soon.

DENphua

after more than 24 hours.

2009-09-02T22:26:00.003+08:00

i still cant get it off my mind.
the way you were around me,
the way you treated me.
the way you emo-ed
the way i seem invisible around you.
maybe its just me, i dont know.
i wish i did.
why is it that even after 24 hours, im still wondering why?

arhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
its driving me nuts.

依賴-谢和弦

2009-09-02T19:56:00.002+08:00

in english:
The whole night
Don't want to sleep
Waiting for the break of dawn to see you again
Even if just for one glance

The whole night
Did not sleep again
This is truly insomnia -- it hasn't only been a few nights that I miss you

In your mind
is there still a trace of feelings for me
I still have that photo of yours

It's been a while since I left you
But I am still in love with you...who am I going to tell?

Guitar played, song sung
Got callus on my fingers
But how much I depend on you, none of that has changed

Just like you said, learn to cherish everything
But I have yet to learn how.

in chinese:
一整夜不想睡等著天亮見你一面就算是再多看你一眼

一整夜又沒睡這次真的叫做失眠想你已經不只一兩天

你心裡還有沒有想我一點點的感覺

我還留著你的那張相片

離開你已經也有一段時間只是我還愛著你要告訴誰

*吉他彈了歌也唱了手指也長了繭

就是對你的依賴沒有改變

就像你說的要去學會珍惜一切可是我始終還是學不會

2 people flew my plane today

2009-09-02T01:42:00.002+08:00

try reading the title of this post in chinese.

today, met uncle J at amk hub.
then went to dhouby ghaut for lunch, was supposed to have selegie beancurd cos i was craving for it yesterday.
but it was raining, so had kfc instead
then went to Cathay after the rain died down a little to buy tickets for Final Destination,
i wasn't supposed to watch, cos LIDYA was supposed to meet me and thirah for picnic at marina barrage.
BUT SOMEBODY couldn't make it.
she flew my plane.
sooooo, decided to watch with them.
after that, THEM came.
namely:
sham, rasmus, rastus, justin, jasmine, jacob, cheney, jiahui, thomas, chinnyee, nithya, huzaine.
anyways, rastus helped to smuggle me in.
how?
i became a biker girl:D:D
if only i can be one...
:(((
AND, NEVER EVER sit infront of chinn yee in the cinema,
there was this part when she kicked the chair, and i jumped.
hahah
was sitting between mus and tus.
and it totally didnt help.
haha
okay la, sitting beside tus helped alittle.
because he was grossed out too!
hahaha
classic moment:
(at the escalator part, for those who watched the trailer or the movie)
mus: eh tus, did you see how she died?
tus: nope, i was closing my eyes
den: hahahha, all three of us didnt see it then.
so yeah, we didnt know what happened.
anyways, i promised myself and uncle J that im not gonna smuggle myself into the cinema again.
especially for a 3D movie.
but i think it would be easier to watch it if not for all the random stuff flying at you.
after the movie, went for SELEGIE BEANCURD!!
uncle J rocks, i totally forgot about it by then already.lots of fun and funny stuff happened there.
they were talking about clubbing, felt damn underaged.
after that, went to play lan, played CS.
at first was..
terrorist: me, chinnyee, cheney, rasmus and rastus.
BUT
rastus that traitor, became counter terrorist.
hahaha
anyways,

CLASSIC MOMENT #2:
rastus changed his name to Denise boyfriend, counter terrorist already.
so it was only left with me and him.
AND I KILLED HIM!
so everybody went: denise, you just killed your boyfriend.
hahahah

CLASSIC MOMENT #3:
left with me and uncle J.
he was looking for me, i was behind him.
and i happily killed him.
hahahah

next time play CS, must play with knife.
hahah, damn fun.

after playing lan, was supposed to met lyn, BUT she went to fly my plane.
so sian, so i came home.

:((
didnt get to ride on their bike today, cos they had to go back to do something, and i didnt want to trouble them since they're going back to yishun, and i didnt think it was along the way.

DEN.
gotta get to work.

pictures:
from left to right:
rastus, nithya, sham, huzaine, cheney, jiahui, jasmine, jacob, thomas, rasmus, justin, me.

at selegie.
stoning, caught on camera.

playing lan.
that's rasmus in case you're wondering.
apparently chinn yee died fast enough to take out her camera and snap before the game ended. hahahah

Jay Chou - 我不配

2009-09-02T01:27:00.001+08:00

这街上太拥挤
Zhe Jie shang tai yong ji
This street is too crowded

太多人有秘密
Tai duo ren you mi mi
Too many people with secrets

玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
bo li shang you wu qi zai bei yin chang qi guo qu
At the glass, there's the fog hidden from it

你脸上的情绪
Ni lian shang de qing xu
The sulky face of yours

在还原那场雨
Zai huan yuan na chang yu
Is completing that rain

这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里
Zhe xiang nong tai guo wan qu zou bu hui gu shi li
This street is simply too narrow to return to the story

这日子不再绿
Zhe ri zi bu zai lu
These days are not green anymore

又斑驳了几句
You ban bo le ji ju
Just a few word exchanges

剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
Sheng xia ban kong hui yi de wo zai da fang zi li
I'm left alone in the house, with half-filled memories

电影院的座椅
Dian ying yuan de zuo yi
The seats in the cinema

隔遥远的距离
Ge yao yuan de ju li
Are separated far by distance

感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋
Gan qing mei you dui shou shi ni gen zi ji xia qi
Feelings with no partner is a game of chess you played by yourself

还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
hai lai bu ji zi zi xi xi xie xia ni de guan yu
it's still too late to carefully write down your concern

描述我如何愛你
Miao shu wo ru he ai ni
Describing how I love you

你却微笑的离我而去
Ni que wei xiao de li wo er qu
Yet you leave me away with a smile

Chorus:

这感觉已经不对
Zhe gan jue yi jing bu dui
This feeling is not right anymore

我努力在挽回
Wo nu li zai wan hui
I tried hard to retrieve

一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给
Yi xie xie ying gai ti tie de de gan jue wo mei gei
A bit feeling of care that I didn't give

你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微
Ni de zui xu de yuan wang hen bei wei
The many wish from your lips is very petty and low

在妥协是我忽略
Zai tuo xie shi wo hu lue
I neglected to compromise it

你不过要人陪
Ni bu guo yao ren pei
However you want some company

哦这感觉已经不对
a zhe gan jue yi jing bu dui
ahh, This feeling is not right anymore

我最后才了解
Wo zui hou cai liao jie
I'm the last to understand

一页页不忍翻阅的情节
Yi ye ye bu ren fan yue de qing jie
Looking through the pages of circumstances which cannot be endured

你好累
Ni hao lei
You're so tired

你默背为我掉过几次泪
Ni mo bei wei wo diao guo ci lei
You have silently cried behind my back for so many times

多憔悴
Duo qiao sui
So shallow

而我心碎你受罪你的美
er wo xin sui ni shou zui ni de mei
Yet my heart breaks and you accepted my sin, your beauty

我不配
Wo bu pei
I'm not worthy

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!

2009-08-31T18:57:00.003+08:00

went north view in the morning...
and..
it has been three years since i'm able to go to athirah and say 'ahhh, melting'
hahahah
only athirah, lidya, and jo knows why:D:D
feels soooo goooddddd.
anyways, after slacking around abit, went for lunch with jo at np.
then went macs to slack again.
shared somethings with her.
feels good to have finally talk about it.
dont worry jo! your secrets are safe:))

DEN.
why do people always ASSUME?

baka-tako day:))

2009-08-28T12:09:00.003+08:00

happy baka-tako day dear!
the past 3 years, you've always been the one i turn to.
the next 3 years to come, i want to be able to continue doing the same.
i'll do the same for you too:)))

hehehe, you're gonna scream at me for using this photo.

DENphua

heart of a servant girl.

2009-08-27T21:19:00.003+08:00

with no expectations, there wouldn't be disappointments.
with no dreams, there won't be nightmares.
with no heart, there wouldn't be heartaches.
a person who has been alone all her life, will never know how it feels to be lonely, until she allow people to step into her circle.
the circle she drew around herself, to stop people from going in or out.
because she never want to feel lonely, she choose to forget the feeling of being accompanied.

michelle tan. part 2

2009-08-25T22:41:00.000+08:00

mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim

happy?
mich
michelle
michelle tan
tanellehcim

michelle tan.

2009-08-24T20:08:00.003+08:00

math UT was a killerrrrrrrrrrrrr

mich, happy now mich? huh mich?
see mich, your name appeared so many times.
so mich, you happy now?
haha.

sighhhhhhhh

2009-08-23T13:06:00.003+08:00

went chan's place yesterday to hear what the pastors had to say.
after that went to north point starbucks with mich to study, jacob came later.
went to makan, and went home.

today shall stay at home to study.
tmr UT, tuesday UT
wednesday holidayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

thinking of what to do during the hols.
hmmm.

DENISE

some things that never fails to make me laugh.

2009-08-22T00:15:00.002+08:00

ayu - i'm beautiful? aw, thanks DEN! says:
*FASTER! FASTER! BEFORE ...
*JENG JENG JENGGGGG!

DEN [[ oh so beautiful ]] says:
*LOL

ayu - i'm beautiful? aw, thanks DEN! says:
*STOP LOL-ING YOU HOMOSAPIEN! HAHAHHAHA!

DEN [[ oh so beautiful ]] says:
*IM NOT A HOMOSAPIEN YOU DINOSAUR!

ayu - i'm beautiful? aw, thanks DEN! says:
*RRRAAAAWWWWRRRRR!
**EATS YOUR HEAD OFF*

DEN [[ oh so beautiful ]] says:
*AHHHHH, NOW IM A HEADLESS MONSTER??!

ayu - i'm beautiful? aw, thanks DEN! says:
*ER, NO, YOU'RE JUST THE BODY OF A HOMOSAPIEN,
*MUAHAHAHAHA!

DEN [[ oh so beautiful ]] says:
*awwww
*so im looking at the inside of your stomach now?
*cool!

yijing. says:
*HAHAHAAHHA
*wtf
*lol

ayu - i'm beautiful? aw, thanks DEN! says:
*NO, YOU'RE HALF-BLIND NOW.
*ALL YOU CAN SEE IS GREY FOOD INSIDE.
*HAHAHAHHAHA!
*SO SAD!

DEN [[ oh so beautiful ]] says:
*eeeeee
*i see bubbles
*i think im being digested

ayu - i'm beautiful? aw, thanks DEN! says:
*SSSSHHHHHH! DON'T TALK DURING DIGESTION!
*YOU'LL TEND TO EAT THE DIRTY BUBBLES.

DEN [[ oh so beautiful ]] says:
*but
*im typing, my body is outside
*remember?

ayu - i'm beautiful? aw, thanks DEN! says:
*OH YEAH! SO YOU'RE NOT TALKING BUT TYPING.
*I SEE IT NOW. I SEE THE LIGHT..

DEN [[ oh so beautiful ]] says:
*light?
*what light?

ayu - i'm beautiful? aw, thanks DEN! says:
*ER, THE LIGHT OF LIFE.
*THE LIGHTS IN MY ROOM.
*OH YEAH, YOU CAN'T SEE.
*YOU'RE IN MY BIG TUMMY!
*YUM YUM!

DEN [[ oh so beautiful ]] says:
*ahhhhhhhh
*i
*feel
*numb
*i think im gonna die

ayu - i'm beautiful? aw, thanks DEN! says:
*ARE YOU OK HEAD DEN?

DEN [[ oh so beautiful ]] says:
*i think you mean DEN's head
*hhahaha

ayu - i'm beautiful? aw, thanks DEN! says:
*NOOOOOOOOOOOO! MINE SOUND'S COOLER!

DEN [[ oh so beautiful ]] says:
*lol
*okay, i wanna sleep already
*shall blog about this first

ayu - i'm beautiful? aw, thanks DEN! says:
*HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!
*BODY DEN, YOU'RE A WEIRDO!!

DEN [[ oh so beautiful ]] says:
*i know:D

thanks guys.

2009-08-21T19:58:00.002+08:00

after UT today, was intending to come straight home.
BUT, having such wonderful classmates, its near impossible.
first, was josh.
felt a little better after hearing him complain about some gay.
DONT JUDGE ME!
after that was forced to join them for lunch.
little did i know, that cheered me up ALOT.
played true or dare during lunch, lepak for abit more, until we got chased out by the security guard.
during the train ride, didnt even have time to emo.
from josh was trying to imitate my 'looks' and stares
to him trying to read them.
haha
it has become a universal language!

anyways, came home, watched hot shot.
made me want to play basketball.
so sian.

its 8.07, and im still waiting for dinner.
gish.

meeting mich at 1 tmr.
after which gonna study.

sunday............
dont know yet.

DENISE.
where else can you find these wonderful people.
im glad i found this clique, who refused to be called a clique.
because cliques has conflicts.
can't wait till 28th sept.

DIE/edited

2009-08-20T19:30:00.002+08:00

im procrastinating.

and i've decided not to stop myself.
because no matter how hard i try, i'll be of no use.
even if it means that i may get hurt.
leaving everything into God's hands....

anyways, this past few days....
was emo-ine emo-ig emo-ing
today was the worst i guess.
everybody kept asking me how i was and stuff.

yesterday went amk library to study.
after that went to kfc.
jiawei bought a chicky meal just for the spongebob.
and....
shared some stuff with him, he shared some stuff with me.
and i guess sam was right.
when you emo, you can only be for one thing.
if you wanna know why i'm emo-ing, you can come ask me.
if you wanna know why jiawei is emo-ing, im not gonna tell you.

AND!!!
im so proud of myself, i drew a motorbike!
ahahha
of course, i had some reference, but still!!!
haahah.
lets just hope he'll appreciate it.

today...
after UT, went to accompany the rest at yoshinoya.
had no appetite, so didnt eat.
kept staring at my phone, just hoping, although i know its impossible,
for a random text from him.
it'll just brighten up my day.
came home, took a nap, read through some 6Ps, watched tv.
and started drawing.

3 more UTs to holiday!!

joke:
farhan: eh, tmr is science paper right?
cheng: nope, its science UT, but we're not using paper.
farhan: oh so tmr is science laptop?
where else can you find such random and lame friends other than in E35H?

DENISE.
yes, im still afraid, but no matter how hard i tried, i still fell for you.
im just hoping, it'll all be an infatuation and fade away soon enough.
let time decide.

im thinking thinking.....

2009-08-18T09:24:00.002+08:00

its time to start going for service.
think i'll drag jiawei to the saturday one. hahaha.

its time to start making birthday cards again.
i owe rastus a birthday present, so yeah.

its time to plan my holidays.
hols in a week!!!!

its time to stop typing ":)"
jiawei says, dont smile if i dont mean it, so yeah.

its time to eat.
im hungry.

it all starts with a spark, doesn't it?

2009-08-17T21:39:00.004+08:00

jiawei tells me not to let the past affect what you'll do in the future.
but what happens when the past hurts so bad,you just dont want it to repeat?
i admit, im afraid.
people always say, love is like a pit.
its easy to fall into it.
but to climb back up, you need to use all the strength you have.
in that pit, you're all alone.
all you want, is just someone to be there beside you.
someone to care for you.
someone more than just a friend.
rastus also said, if you love someone, you should go for the person, and not give up so easily.
but knowing that this will just end up like the ones in the past, wouldn't it be easier if at the start, you didnt fall too deep?
in the past, it was so easy.
maybe it was because deep inside, i was hoping that the next one would be different.
maybe i was just naive.
it was so easy, to love someone, even if he didn't like me back.
so easy to give my all, only hoping to get something in return, even if its just a smile.
i can still remember, i used to make birthday cards.
spend days making cards.
i stopped when i realised, when did i ever get one back?
sometimes i wonder, why have i become like this, what happened to the joy and satisfaction from making things for people?
what happened to the Denise, who would do something, for someone, without wanting anything in return.
sometimes, all i need is a smile, a little reassurance, a pat on the back.
someone to tell me that i did well and stand by me, no matter what others might say.
someone to give me a little push, when i fall short of God's glory.

im really afraid i would fall for you.
because i dont know what will happen in the future.
or because i know this one will be the same as the previous.
and the ones before that.
i don't want to fall for someone, who wouldn't love me back.
that's what i told jiawei.
he said 'but if you dont try, how would you know?'
everytime i think of you, i pray to God, asking Him to help me.
help me stop from thinking about you.
but deep down, why am i still hoping that this time it'll be different?
i tell myself, nothing will happen between us.
because i do not deserve you.
who am i, to ask for such a great guy?
who am i, to pray that you'll love me too?
perhaps, in God's eyes, i am precious, but to all the other people on this earth, im just an ordinary girl.
an ordinary girl like me, don't deserve a great guy like you.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
but somehow i know, no matter how hard i try, i will still fall for you.
even if i wouldn't see you again, for another three years.
i will still fall for someone, who wouldn't feel the same.
i will still get hurt in the end.

DEN.

JACOB CHIN JIA WEI, you better don't emo for the next few days.

confession

2009-08-16T22:39:00.002+08:00

i have a confession to make.
i feel very gao wei if i dont let this out.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
model boyfriend should be like rasmus:D
nice guy, can drive,has a bike, blah blah blah.
haha.
i was thinking, why is this guy not attached?
such a good catch.

anyways,
cant sleep, so shall watch some videos first.

DENISE.
the courage i had for a one-sided love, where can i find it?
being hurt too many times, maybe i just dont want to get hurt again.
i don't want to fall for someone, who doesn't love me back.

a bad day, an amazing night.

2009-08-15T00:02:00.003+08:00

lets see...
the day started out with me wearing heels.
and me forgetting to bring my wallet.
came home straight after school.
havent do RJ, quiz, and all the stuff.
but then again, its beng, so its okay.

slacked around at home, watched abit of TV.
took a nap.
and went for cell with uncle Jacob:)

**warning heavy christian content**

overall, it was different.
it was fun!!!
worship was led by Rasmus.
it has been a looooong time since i worshiped the way i did today.
it was, refreshing.
managed to just tear a little, instead of crying out loud.
hahaha.
after that was sermon processing.
it was on ps 28.
the things that can 'drag you down'
it was interesting to see how God works in many ways.
i would say,it was awesome to even think that the sermon was so timely.
it made me remember why i wanted to join LSBC last time.
and made me wonder, when will be the next time i will worship God again.
since i wouldn't be going for service, and there's no cell now.
hmmmmm..
im thinking..........
i shallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
continue praying.
hahaha

**end of heavy christian content**

any the ways,
after cell meeting, rasmus took me on a ride on his bike!!\
so fun!! oh my god.
i told myself: i cant wait for Ayu to get her license so i can ride on a bike everyday!!
too bad mom doesnt allow us to get a bike license.
:((((((
to the coffee shop near heartland mall.
waited for jacob and russell.
had supper.
after supper, RASMUS DROVE ME HOME!!
ahaahah.
THANKS a whole bunch!!
if you're even reading this.
anyways, it felt damn weird to have him send me to my doorstep.
if not for jacob, i would have just asked him to drop me off at the bus stop.
reached home around 12.

gonna stay at home tmr, and give sheesha a miss.
why?
cos im broke, and i wanna study.

adios!

oh oh oh!!
during supper, russell looked at his phone and said :'hey, rasmus called me! should i call him back?'
me, looking at rasmus, was thinking: 'isn't this rasmus? or is it rastus?'
*note: rasmus and rastus are identical twins.
so i asked russell :'isn't this rasmus?'
haha.
omg, i has been soooo long since i saw them, now i cant even tell the difference.
maybe its partly because they weren't together. haha.

adios!
for real this time.

doing random stuff makes me happy:D

2009-08-13T00:07:00.003+08:00

photos taken in class today.

my lesbian partner.
LOL

E35H:))
omg, i sit until so girl. hahaha.

LONG AGO, we did this....

today, we did this...
hahahaha

AND AND AND...
omg, i have to post this here....
i did a note on facebook, i had to type random stuff to people on msn. so....

1) Type "I'm supermann"

jacob:
*huh?
*then i'm batman?
*lols..

hanlyn:
*LOL
*so random.

sam:
*ok

athirah:
*==
*go sleep la

zalifah:
*huh?

2) Type "I lost my eyeball"

jacob:
*LOLs!!! i almost say... "then i lost my balls?"
*q:
*what eyeball u lost?
*reminds me of the slimy thing last time i play... then inside got one bodypart one

hanlyn:
*huh
*what lost eyeball
*OI

sam:
*aww

athirah:
*HUH?!
-offline-

zalifah:
*kidding right?

3) Type "Oh my gosh I heard about your fish"

jacob:
*yea
*there's 3 fish in the tank now...
*but they ain't mine...
*the last time i had a fish, was way back... but was damm cute! the puffy puffy one!
*ok
*what's with this random-ness?
*hee hees...
*and, there's a new ulcer on my tongue!!!

hanlyn:
*?!? what fish
*why you so random

sam:
*?
*huh
*what fish?

athirah:
-offline-

zalifah:
*fish?

4) Type "You and me are best buds right?"

jacob:
*absolutely!!
*is something troubling you?

hanlyn:
*omg so damn random
-nudge

sam:
*yup
*y

zalifah:
*yeah
*y?
*ya
*?

5)Type "ok so can i tell you something?"

jacob:
*sure
*(:
*so what happened???
*or wad ya wanna tell me eh?

hanlyn:
*yes?

sam:
*can

zalifah:
*ok

6) Type "i'm on drugs.'

jacob:
*wad kinda?

hanlyn:
*OMG
*drugs!!
*what drugs

sam:
*uh huh
*what drugs

zalifah:
*what?!
*serious?

7) Type "Did you just lie to me!?"

jacob:
*huh?
*dey... you ok nots? wanna meet me?

hanlyn:
*in what way
*wth i don't want to talk anymore
*this is all crap

sam:
*huh
*nope i said no lie

zalifah:
*lie?
*what u mean?
*im lost

9) Type "OH MY GOD!!!"

jacob:
*????????????????????????????????

*hellossssssssssssssssssss....
*knock knock

hanlyn:
-offline-

sam:
*den
*u are losing me

zalifah:
*huh?
*???

10) Type "i love you".

jacob:
*i love you too!
*:D

sam:
*-.-
*and then?

zalifah:
*ok
*denise, are u drunk?

the funny thing was, they didn't realise that everything i typed started with a capital letter, cos i copy paste.hahaha
and i dont type I'm i type im. hahaha
and, there's no comma! haha
but half way through, i kept telling myself that they're gonna punch me. hahah.

okay, im hungry.
and not sleepy.
and bored.

ciao!

loving this song. nostalgicccc

2009-08-12T08:33:00.001+08:00

我努力的习惯一个人的夜晚
只是想起你就会孤单
回忆像一碗热汤想念那么滚烫
只想要取暖却狠狠被烫伤
以为幸福值得勇敢
可惜最后还是走散
放手说真的不难
心碎该怎么计算

要搬过几个地方
换几个伴才到对的人身旁
寂寞的房灯光别开得太亮
到夜晚更无处躲藏
要搬到什么地方
有谁陪伴才决定停止流浪
寂寞的房装满出租的渴望
太冰冷的墙爱永远没有回答

我努力的习惯一个人的夜晚
只是想起你就会孤单
回忆像一碗热汤想念那么滚烫
只想要取暖却狠狠被烫伤
以为幸福值得勇敢
可惜最后还是走散
放手说真的不难
心碎该怎么计算

要搬过几个地方
换几个伴才到对的人身旁
寂寞的房灯光别开得太亮
到夜晚更无处躲藏
要搬到什么地方
有谁陪伴才决定停止流浪
寂寞的房装满出租的渴望
太冰冷的墙爱永远没有回答

我倒在沙发上闭上眼更害怕
只剩下电视陪着我说话
你有没有听到门铃好像在响

要搬过几个地方
换几个伴才到对的人身旁
寂寞的房灯光别开得太亮
到夜晚更无处躲藏
要搬到什么地方
有谁陪伴才决定停止流浪
寂寞的房装满出租的渴望
太冰冷的墙爱永远没有回答
寂屋出租吗爱永远没有回答

shut up, b.

2009-08-11T08:48:00.002+08:00

im aching all over.
im hungry all over.
im irritated all over.
im aching all over.
im hungry all over.
im irritated all over.
im aching all over.
im hungry all over.
im irritated all over.
im aching all over.
im hungry all over.
im irritated all over.
im aching all over.
im hungry all over.
im irritated all over.
im aching all over.
im hungry all over.
im irritated all over.
im aching all over.
im hungry all over.
im irritated all over.
im aching all over.
im hungry all over.
im irritated all over.
i wanna partial.
i wanna go home.
i wanna eat.
shut up bitch, so what if you got a C.
you totally deserve it, bitch.

meeeeeeeeeee

2009-08-10T23:40:00.001+08:00

this few days, i've been feeling very weird
why?
because...........

OUT OF THE BLUE, I FEEL LIKE WEARING DRESSES.
OUT OF THE BLUE, I FEEL LIKE WEARING HEELS.
OUT OF THE BLUE, I FEEL LIKE LEARNING HOW TO SWIM.
OUT OF THE BLUE, I FEEL LIKE RUNNING EVERY MORNING.

OMG, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!

lalalalalala

2009-08-09T00:07:00.002+08:00

my motto in life

what's the point of having friends, if you can't be irritating around them, and disturb them?!

any the ways.
went town with lidya just now

cell gathering tmr at chans.
to watch NDP-.-
:)))

bad start to a day

2009-08-07T09:07:00.002+08:00

i started the day taking the train as usual.
what's unusual was, i took it alone, and i missed my stop.

just when the door was closing, i looked up from my phone and saw causeway point.
first thought 'oh, reach already'
second thought 'why is the train moving!!!!'
third thought 'damn, i missed my stop'

on the side note, today's faci's an ABC!!!
hottttttt

finally!!

2009-08-05T21:15:00.004+08:00

i tidied the room!!!!
the only things left is my sister's table.
notice the amount of plushies we have.

crayon looking so cute here

and yes, my notice board is now where my accessories go.
note: the two guitars are placed at different ends of the room:D
crayon junior is currently hanging on the fan's string thingy.
and that' my sister's messy table:D

AND I HAVE A TABLE!!!
oops. what's the bottle of soap doing on the floor?
and YES, that bright thing is the mouse i'm using.
its a pink car, but i have no choice.
i lost my mouse.

still sick, but better.

2009-08-05T12:49:00.001+08:00

still having cough and running nose.
mom says its because i drank cold drinks ad ate toast:P

ANY THE WAYS.
im at amk library nows.
and i'm supposed t be study!!
but im super sleepy, thanks to the cough syrup, and the rain.
and im lonely:(((

debbie's coming back tmr!!
she bought a blazer from zara for me:D:D
so nice of her:)

i just rememebred i still need to return a book.
damn it.
sigh.

should i continue to study?
or go home.
i'm hungry.

SICK

2009-07-31T22:30:00.003+08:00

do i need to say more?

DEN.

SHOW

2009-07-30T21:38:00.000+08:00

TODAY IS SHOW'S BIRTHDAY!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SO HOT!!!!!

yi jing

2009-07-29T21:40:00.002+08:00

this photo makes me laugh.
look at her expression.

POST 470

2009-07-24T22:34:00.003+08:00

im procrastinating about blogging.
lol

anyways, had to wear formal, blah de blah.
took photos, but i think none showed me wearing heels. hahaha

today:
was late for class:P
accompanied classmates to the coffee shop to smoke, had lunch
after school went pastamania for dinner
went to the library to pass time
came home, watched 1-4 of fullmetal alchemist 2.
gonna watch bfb now,
shall do rj and stuff tmr.

tired

2009-07-23T23:45:00.000+08:00

shall blog tmr

:(

2009-07-22T09:17:00.000+08:00

uncle jacob emo:(:(

hmmm...

2009-07-22T09:04:00.000+08:00

PARTIAL
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WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??
WHAT TO WEAR TOMORROW??

Angels And Demons.

2009-07-21T13:42:00.001+08:00

yes, i finally watched it:D

'religion is flawed, but only because man is flawed.'

god is not flawed.

trust in God, not in religion.

another happy day:D

2009-07-19T23:41:00.002+08:00

morning went church.
after went kovan, saw terence and bangkai.
then saw russell and his church friends.
then went bugis for facial!!
hahaha
drove around for 45 mins to find a parking lot.
then....
went to the library to find uncle jacob(jiawei),
borrowed the book!!! yay!!
had pepper lunch for dinner and came back:)

tmr:
school
gym!
shower at aunt's house.

tuesday:
school
replug
shower on new toilet!!!

oh, i was telling uncle jacob about the new toilet, and how blue its gonna be, haha.
he was quite intimidated.

ps: in case you're wondering why i call jiawei uncle jacob...
its because he always tell me : uncle talk, young children must listen(in malay)
and he's Jacob Chin Jia Wei.
soooo... uncle jacob! :D:D:D

to go, or not to go.

2009-07-18T00:22:00.001+08:00

happy day!

2009-07-15T22:53:00.002+08:00

skipped school today, went to suntec for lunch and to study with ayu.
we ended up doing useless stuff and talking. hahaha
after that we went to yishun to have dinner with yijing, sam, josh and rebekah.
met jiawei, ross and sir.
then went to amk hub to meet debbs and mer to watch....
ICE AGE 3D!!!!
hahaha.
went fish and co, and came back:D

enterprise tmr, comm UT after that,
then it END OF UT2!!!!!

anyways, went for dinner with jiawei last night, then went to library to watch him study.
haha
was reading a book called 'From where i stand' or something like that.
its damn nice!!
i should go back someday to continue, i stopped at chapter 5, cos the library was closing:(

ciao!

DEANNE.

Deanne

2009-07-13T15:25:00.002+08:00

im thinking of changing my name to Deanne.
it means divine.
Denise, means worshiper of the wine goddess.

Deanne Phua
Denise Phua
Deanne Phua
Denise Phua
Deanne Phua
Denise Phua
Deanne Phua
Denise Phua
Deanne Phua
Denise Phua
Deanne Phua
Denise Phua
Deanne Phua
Denise Phua
Deanne Phua
Denise Phua
Deanne Phua
Denise Phua
Deanne Phua
Denise Phua
Deanne Phua
Denise Phua
Deanne Phua
Denise Phua
hmmmmmmmmmmm.

comments please.

noisyyyyy

2009-07-11T11:31:00.002+08:00

we're blasting music in my room.
and i think my neighbours don't hear it:D:D:D

a happy start to a bad day.

2009-07-09T08:38:00.003+08:00

damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.
damn it.

on the side note, saw mr eyecandy:D:D:D

indulges and cravings.

2009-07-08T10:11:00.002+08:00

im craving for KFC!!!
anyone???

went for ice cream 'buffet' with jiawei yesterday.
had fun:D

after that got kinda irritating by his 'saaaaraaahhhh'
lol.

anyways, reached home, watched bfb online, msn-ed dear,
did RJ,
hit sis with my bolster because she beat me in wakawaka.
hahahah,
and went to bed:D
and guess what! i woke up at 4 this morning!
and fell asleep at around 5.30, so when i finnaly woke up again at 6,30 i was damn tired.
haha

doing math today, sigh
cognitive UT later.

DEN.

try reading this.

2009-07-07T08:18:00.003+08:00

i kniht m'i annog egnahc ym gnitsaf snalp.
ahahahaha
llahs kniht fo gnihtemos wen ot tsaf no.
ebyam i dluohs tasf morf gnihctib.
hahaha.
ll'ew ees.

DENphua

oops

2009-07-06T09:14:00.001+08:00

me is not fasting today,
hahah

accidentally ate bread in the morning.

IGNORE THIS POST

2009-07-04T01:14:00.003+08:00

-fear of god vs fear god
-who is god to you?
-are you ready to die?
-the love vs the word.
-are you growing? or simply stuck there.

God, thank you. for everything you've done in my life, for everything you've given me in my life.
god, teach me, to have the fear of the lord, and to truly love you. remind me constantly, that you are my god, my king. amen.

problem statement

2009-07-03T12:39:00.001+08:00

"Material things could have been thrown away. But a verbal assault stays with you and rings in your ears no matter how many apologies are given. The sting of those words hurt less over time, but you still wonder in the back of your mind when they are going to be uttered again. "

that was taken from today's problem, found it quite meaningful:D

birthday boy

2009-07-03T08:28:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY PRAVIN!!!!!!!

im really sorry i forgot.
SORRY a thousand times!

you'll forgive my because i'm your sis!!!
:D:D:D

you're 17!!!
and yes, now you officially have the right to say that i'm younger than you.
hahaha
and you know what, the best part about being your sis is that there'll always be random msges at random times to brighten my day:D

back in school

2009-07-02T09:21:00.003+08:00

yeap, the first day back in school.
i was surprisingly awake this morning.
haha
having enterprise module, guess what.
today's problem is somewhat like POA!
damn it, and to think that i would never touch accounts again?!?
sighhh

changed blog song, and for those who need it, there's chinese and english lyrics at the bottom of my side bar->>
why i chose this song?
basically because its nice, and i'm learning how to play it on the piano:D:D
(that's my new hobby, because i decided to ditch the previous one, which only dear knows what it is:D)

im supposed to be doing worksheet now. ahaha
oh and did i mention i'm on a beverage fast?
for the 40 day fasting and prayer thingy, but i think i wont last.
ahhaha
so here's my fasting plans:
-no solid food until 5pm[weekdays]
-no solid food after 5pm[weekends]

hope i'll last

DEN.